I started to compile a list of common criteria asked for by ad agencies. Below are my answers to these desired qualities.

Analytical:
No BS, I hold a B.S. in Marketing. I got through statistics, and saw a few layoffs coming during the Internet Gold Rush...

Witty:
Razorfish Sharp! Peppered with self-deprecating humor.

Creative:
More than just ideas, I can cook them! It's all in the presentation.

Great command of the English language:
My words are therapeutic, but they may be dangerous to people that have genetic dispositions to addictive personality traits.

Enjoys developing new relationships and networking:
You never know when you will need that next job.
I am listed on linkedin.com also.

Appreciates a team atmosphere:
More synergy than me, myself and I. A great team will bring out your personal best.

Can handle managing complex projects without breaking a sweat:
That's playing the game! Get so good and so fast at what you do = more time for family and fun.

Likes dogs:
Unconditional love is nice.

Able to cater to multiple clients:
One client would be easy, but too boring.
I am not "Able to leap buildings in a single bound!" but I remember many of these pop culture references.

Exceeds client expectations:
Promise 2 mockups in a week. Deliver 3 or 4 Great ones in a few days.

Entrepreneurial spirit:
I do freelance.

Problem avoider and solver:
You need insight to avoid a problem and experience to solve one. I have 3 kids.

Results-driven:
Numbers don't lie. Last I checked, most of us work because we have to. Campaigns need to show results. Clever or not.

Will work until 2:00 in morning:
Sometimes poor planning can lead to this, but I am always willing to jump in and meet the deadline!
My question is why not work smarter and faster?

Experience with Creative Briefs:
I am a good listener. I am good at Charades, and I am really good at Pictionary.